Perspective
First, an apology. I was a terrible ICLW commenter this month. I’m sorry. When I signed up, I was just about to do the deed that was C6 and figured if it was positive – great, I would have lots to share and would want to read, participate and talk to my fellow bloggers. If it was negative, I thought – not so great, but I would still want to share/read/participate. When it was both positive and negative over the course of a few days, I wanted to escape blog land and separate myself. Horrible timing as that coincided with ICLW. Again, I’m sorry. Thank you for all the wonderful comments.
Over the past week I’ve had lots going on. I went for a pedicure with a girlfriend, out for dinner and drinks, took a day off from work, had a small garage sale, played kickball and catch with my favorite twin boys, spent time with family at a baptism and brunch, went to the outlet mall shopping with another girlfriend, and went to a pig roast hosted by J, that heartbreaker I talk about here. Oh and yes, there were a few drinks in there! (Just a few as I have no tolerance to alcohol whatsoever!) Making up for lost time perhaps? In one week’s time, I’ve had more fun than I’ve had in months. Not that the past few months have been complete downers, just not a lot of social activity as the ball-and-chain that is TTC was in full swing.
Spending time with J did bring up those feelings again. This guy has some crazy affect on me. Whenever he pops back into my life I always tell myself to keep it in perspective and just enjoy the time we spend together knowing that he and his crazy, play hard/work harder life-style have never made enough time for me – time that I crave only from him.
I’m back to that thinking… keep things in perspective. Keep everything in perspective. I’ve had enough sadness this year and if I let myself get my heart broken again, it might be more than I can take. But… with J and with TTC, do I take another chance? Does the potential for joy and happiness outweigh the risk? That is the ultimate question. A question I’m not ready to really ask myself. Or to answer.
I think all of us have a guy like that who shows up every so often and throws us and our plans for a loop. Glad you had some fun in the last week.
I had two guys like that in my life (luckily one of them lives 3,000 miles away, so I don’t see him that often!). It’s tough having that hang over your head! It seems, though, that if you aren’t together at the moment, there’s a reason.
Glad you’ve been having so much fun! You deserve it! What’d you get at the outlet malls? :)
It’s worth it. I met DH at a time when he was ‘done’ with girls. He had just broken up with his fiance and wasn’t ready to grow up and never wanted to be in a relationship again. I fell so hard and fast for him and had my heart broken by him repeatedly over the course of the next 3 years. But I knew that I really loved him through it all. And that’s the realization I kept holding on to. He finally came around and now we’re blissfully married (most days). People do change and grow and situations change, and if you really feel “that way” about someone, they must be worth the risk.
Taking a break from blogging is good every once in a while. Reading some of your more recent posts, it seems things have picked up again with J. I hope thing work out this time.